with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
