i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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