weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just puked most of my soul out..
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