Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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