I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
