they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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