Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
