you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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