i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
