no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
