Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
