She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
