You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
