Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
