i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
did i walk over a car last night?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
