If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
