is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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