If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
