I want to stick my p in your. b.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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