I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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