I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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