Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
