My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
