I need help removing her.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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