I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i barfeds in our rink
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
