Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
BRING THE BAGELS
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
