Where is the hickey?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
