also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
