hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
false alarm. still invincible.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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