You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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