it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
