The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
