We won't sleep together?
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
