I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
