i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
