guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
