i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
