My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
