I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
