Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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