the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
