I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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