I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
