He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
