i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
