thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
