i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize