why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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