I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
