It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
