Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Randomize
