She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
