when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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