Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
