apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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