He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
