You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
