Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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