I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
