What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
