lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
