explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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