I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
