I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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