I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
