was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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