The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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