It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
