I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
