my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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