I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
