I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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