He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
