In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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