as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
