I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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