Well douche your snatch and let's go!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
