I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize