But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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