Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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